Taking Off the Mask: How to Show Up as Your Real Self (Without Freaking Out)

This article follows up on my previous piece about the hidden costs of masking. If you haven't read it yet, check it out here.

In this piece, I’ll dive deeper into how to start dropping the mask and embracing authenticity.

Understand That Dropping the Mask Is a Process—Start with Self-Compassion

The journey to authenticity is gradual. You may feel exposed, vulnerable, or even afraid as you begin to shed the mask, but that’s all part of the process. Approach yourself with kindness and patience, making small, manageable changes toward showing up as your true self.

No Pressure to Be Perfect

Dropping the mask doesn’t mean revealing every detail of your life or striving for some ideal version of "authenticity." Be mindful not to create a new mask—the “perfectly unmasked” version of yourself. The goal isn’t to force vulnerability but to let it unfold naturally in a way that feels sustainable for you.

1. Notice When You’re Masking

The first step to change is awareness. Pay attention to moments when you feel the need to perform rather than simply be. Some common signs include:

• Speaking in a way that doesn’t feel natural

• Smiling when you don’t mean it

• Agreeing just to fit in

• Feeling drained after social interactions

Tip:

Keep a small journal (or even mental notes) of moments when you catch yourself masking. What triggered it? What were you afraid would happen if you didn’t? Later, reflect on these patterns with a trusted friend, mentor, coach, or therapist.

Additional Resources:

If you want to explore this further, consider these books and experts:

• The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown – A powerful guide to embracing vulnerability and authenticity.

• Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach – Explores how self-compassion helps us let go of masks.

• Daring Greatly by Brené Brown – Examines the courage required to show up as our real selves.

• Therapy and coaching resources: If you're looking for deeper guidance, working with a coach or therapist specializing in self-acceptance can be invaluable.

2. Get Curious About Your Masks

Not all masks are bad. Sometimes, we adjust how we act to fit a situation—like being professional at work or staying polite in a new setting. That’s normal. But if you always feel like you have to hide your real thoughts and feelings, it might be time to ask yourself why. Understanding what makes you put on a mask can help you feel more comfortable being yourself.

• What part of me am I afraid to show?

• What do I fear will happen if I do?

• Where did I learn to mask in this way?

Tip:

A helpful tool for this self-exploration is Internal Family Systems (IFS), which I mentioned in a previous article. IFS helps uncover different “parts” of yourself that may mask for protection. While IFS can be a valuable approach, different people resonate with different methods, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), or mindfulness-based practices. If you're exploring ways to understand your inner world, it may be helpful to find an approach that aligns with your needs. If you're new to this concept, I highly recommend checking out No Bad Parts by Dr. Richard Schwartz, the founder of IFS. His work can provide valuable insights into why certain parts of you feel the need to hide.

Additional Resources:

• The Wisdom of Your Body by Hillary McBride – Explores how societal conditioning impacts our sense of authenticity.

• Insight by Tasha Eurich – A great read on self-awareness and uncovering hidden patterns in behavior.

3. Vulnerability—Get Comfortable with Discomfort

Being real means being vulnerable, and that’s not always comfortable. You might feel exposed, nervous, or afraid of rejection. That’s normal. But like any muscle, authenticity gets stronger the more you use it.

Merriam-Webster defines vulnerability as "capable of being physically or emotionally wounded." That definition focuses on the risk, but vulnerability is also about being open and real with others. It’s not just about getting hurt—it’s about letting people see the true you, even when it feels scary. That honesty is what builds real connections and helps us grow.

One of my mentors, Joe Hudson , a coach and expert in emotional intelligence, offers a definition I resonate with more. He describes vulnerability as:

"Saying or doing something even though you’re afraid of it."

This definition shifts the focus from potential harm to courage. It’s about choosing authenticity despite fear, acting in alignment with your true self even when the outcome feels uncertain.

The Truth About Vulnerability

• It’s not about oversharing—it’s about honesty.

• It’s not about being fearless—it’s about acting despite fear.

• It’s not about being perfect—it’s about showing up, as you are.

Tip:

When discomfort shows up, don’t run from it. Instead:

✅ Take a deep breath.

✅ Acknowledge the fear.

✅ Remind yourself: “I don’t have to be perfect. Being real is enough.”

Recommended Reading:

• Daring Greatly by Brené Brown – A must-read on how vulnerability is the key to deeper connections.

• The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer – Explores how to sit with discomfort instead of resisting it.

• Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton – A deep dive into how speaking your truth (even when it’s hard) leads to freedom.

4. Surround Yourself with People Who Value the Real You

If you’re in environments where masking is the norm, it might be time to seek spaces where authenticity is welcomed. Being around genuine people makes it easier to drop the act and embrace who you truly are.

Try this:

• Spend more time with people who appreciate the unfiltered you.

• Seek out workplaces that encourage open communication.

• Follow leaders who model authenticity.

The more you immerse yourself in spaces that celebrate realness, the more natural it becomes to live authentically.

Tip:

One of the communities I’ve found particularly helpful is the Latin dance community. When I decided to learn salsa, I expected to pick up a new skill—but I didn’t expect to find a group of non-judgmental, supportive people who encouraged self-expression. Of course, everyone’s experience is different, and some people may still feel the need to mask in social dance settings. However, for me, dance became a space where I could explore joy and presence in a more natural way. If you’re looking for a space where authenticity thrives, try joining a community that prioritizes joy—and see what happens.

5. Redefine Success on Your Own Terms

A big reason people mask is to meet external expectations. But what if you define success differently?

Instead of: “I need to be seen as competent and perfect.” Try: “I want to feel fulfilled and connected.”

When you align your goals with your values, masking becomes unnecessary.

When you're living authentically—pursuing what feels right and true to who you are—you no longer need to hide or modify yourself to gain approval. Your true self is enough, and you can focus on achieving goals that resonate with your values without feeling the need to "perform" or conform to outside pressures.

Final Thought: Give Yourself Permission to Be You You don’t have to be everything to everyone. The more you show up as yourself, the more you attract the right people, opportunities, and experiences. And that’s worth taking off the mask for.